Am I autistic, or do I have autism?

Am I a brunette, or do I have brown hair? Am I tall, or do I have long legs? You get the point. No? Ok, I’ll explain.

When talking about autism, some people prefer person-first language – that is, saying “people with autism” or “people who have autism”. They say that doing so identifies a person with autism as…well, a person first and foremost, and that their condition shouldn’t be the first thing that defines their identity.

Other people prefer to say “autistic people”, which is known as identity first language. They see it as being a part of their identity that shouldn’t be brushed to the sidelines as if it’s something to be ashamed of, and some autistic people feel that person-first language does just that.

This issue doesn’t just apply to autism, by the way. I’ve heard opinions on this from people with other social and learning differences, physical disabilities, and chronic illnesses. But having had no experiences in those departments, I’m going to focus on autism.

And on that note, what’s my take on this?

Honestly, it’s not something that ever occurred to me to have any strong feelings about. To me, they are just different ways of saying the same thing. If I’m talking about myself, or just generally, I will use whichever one pops into my head. Don’t get me wrong, if a person on the spectrum – or with any other condition – said they have a specific preference, I will respect that and use whichever way of phrasing they are more comfortable with. But I don’t want to be told by a non-autistic person how to describe myself.

To me, the exact phrasing someone uses isn’t as important as the bigger picture of how they treat me. Whether they talk to me like an adult or a child and whether they approach me with an open mind or preconceptions say more about how they see me than whether they say the A word first or second. Asperger’s Syndrome is a form of autism that is equally part of my identity and not all of it.

Besides, it doesn’t need to be mentioned every time you talk about me. I’ve heard people tell stories about their “autistic child” or their “friend with autism” in which the condition is of no significance. It’s one thing to mention it if it’s relevant to your story, but if not, I would rather just be known as “your child”* or “your friend.”

To conclude, I feel I should add that I do not see my stance as being any more right than anyone else’s. It’s just how I feel, and I think we should all be free to describe ourselves the way we want, without feeling like we have to conform to the same preference. I see both sides as being valid and personally feel disinclined to take either one. I am autistic. I have autism/Asperger’s. It’s a fact. But it doesn’t define me.

 

 

*If you are my mother or stepfather. Otherwise that would be creepy.

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Is freedom of speech really free?

This was a popular topic of debate in my journalism lectures at uni. In fact, some people got so wound up in their freedom of speech that the rest of us would spend the best part of these lectures sitting back and watching, as at least two people passionately argued their stance on free speech, or politics, or whatever. I don’t know if the best part was when someone would still be sulking after the lecture about not getting the last word, or when comments beginning “Your mum” were thrown around. Either way, quality entertainment.

What does freedom of speech really mean anyway? I like to think there’s more to it than simply being able to say what you like, but honestly, that is how most people seem to take it. I was musing on this the other day when I read a Facebook post that was nostalgically remembering the good old days when one could make a joke without having to worry about insulting women, racial minorities, LGBT people, etc. Really, it’s so tough being in a generation where everyone has a voice, not just heterosexual white men…

When people make statements online – for whatever cause – conflict in the comments section will inevitably ensue. And you can bet at least one person will defend their viewpoint by using the “free speech, free country” card. But people who try to be “PC” in their use of speech are stigmatised and mocked. Apparently casual racism, or sexism, or whatever, is fine, but trying to show respect and compassion towards other people makes you subject to ridicule.

And none of this answers my question.

The way I see it is this. Freedom in any form isn’t as simple as being able to do whatever you want, with no regards to the consequences. Think about growing up. You spend your childhood being heavily dependent on your parents, then your teen years testing their boundaries and your own limits. You take matters into your own hands, and when you fail, you get angry when your parents still make sure you get your comeuppance just when you thought you were entitled to more privileges.

But your parents don’t give you more freedom because they stop caring what you do. Rather, they do so because they are trying to trust you to make your own decisions without having to be told. At any stage in our lives, we will inevitably abuse our privileges, and the consequences will be no less real.

Make sense? We are free to voice our opinions, but that doesn’t make it any more ok to attack others. No-one is always fully right or fully wrong. Conflict may be unavoidable, but if you manage it by defending your side without tearing down someone else’s, you’re making a step in the right direction.