To Mum: surprise!

You know that awkward moment when you’re struggling to write a surprise blog post, but the person you usually ask for advice is the central character of said post? Yeah. It’s hard, isn’t it? So without further ado, let me introduce…you guessed it, my mother!

For starters, my mum has many names to choose from, the most common ones being Helen, Hez, Hezza, and, according to her Sainsbury’s reward cards, Melen* (my personal favourite). She spent her teen years at ballet school, then worked for several more years in Taiwan, where she met my father. Now back in England and married to my stepdad, she teaches Pilates and is training to be a counsellor. Long story short.

One of Mum’s many achievements in life is to produce two children who look nothing like her. Given this fact, and my father’s shenanigans with other women, I have asked her if she’s sure I’m not some other woman’s child. For some reason, she keeps insisting I’m hers, and refuses to believe otherwise. Almost as if my logic is flawed…

She also never tires of talking about what a huge baby I was, often completely at random. Having recently had my 24th birthday, this subject has been particularly high on the agenda. But given that I’d forget if it was mentioned on anything less than a daily basis, this is probably character building for me.

To this day, Mum still has a collection of letters I posted under her door as a small child. Such as “Dear Mummy, are you sorry that I hurt my knee?” And “Dear Mummy, I am sorry that the book got broken. Maybe we can fix it somehow.” And this classic from Year 1 at school: “My mummy is nice and kind and pretty and firm when me and my sister are bad. Sometimes my sister is bad, but I am good most of the time.” I always was destined to be a writer…

Apparently one of the perks of being a mother is the thrill of embarrassing your children. Personally I don’t buy the excuse that it’s revenge for every time your kids publicly embarrass you. But then her favourite weapon is stories of all those times. She also likes trying to be cool with words like “lol”, “lmao”, “grooveh” and “in with da kids”. Which she does to drive my sister crazy “just for the lolz.”

But for all her eccentricities, my mum fits all the important mum criteria. Throughout divorce, living on benefits, school struggles, Grannie dying, and the trials and tribulations of growing up, she has been there. Loved me and my sister. Fed us properly. Given us a good life. And never let us down. Well, unless you count the time she wasn’t sorry I hurt my knee.

Melen Mum, I will just say this for you. I love you. Oh, and happy Mother’s Day.




*Whoever created those cards must have looked at her signature, wondered to themselves whether the first letter was an H or an M, and decided that “Melen” was the most likely option.

15 thoughts on “To Mum: surprise!

  1. […] little warning, he took ill rather dramatically. Having vomited copiously in at least two rooms, my mum and sister found him in a state of collapse. While the picture above indicates, not entirely […]

  2. […] don’t think our early aquaintance made much of an impression on me. The following summary of Mum’s return from the hospital is testament to […]

  3. […] with my ladies. Well, my mother and sister (middle and […]

  4. […] on my bed to reach and fill my stocking. He then whispered goodnight and merry Christmas to me in Mum’s voice. If nothing else, at least Santa can do impressions. Last year I got back from Midnight […]

  5. […] cat. Having had at least four homes in as many years, Basil found himself with us when Mum offered to take him off Grandad’s hands to make things easier. He is what my stepdad calls a […]

  6. […] suddenly, within days of having received a very positive scan. She was rushed to hospital, where my mum, Grandad and uncles stayed at her bedside day and […]

  7. […] common knowledge that I had an odd fascination with theft as a small child, and would loudly ask Mum “Is it wrong to shoplift, Mummy?” in the middle of a busy supermarket. Not a Christmas […]

  8. […] On 20th April he developed a blood clot which paralyzed his back end and made him gasp for breath. Mum rushed him to the vets and as they did the deed, he suddenly looked happy and well again, before he […]

  9. […] not many people understand what Asperger’s Syndrome is. Apparently, people have even asked my mum if I can talk! And if there is anything worse than people who know nothing about it, it is people […]

  10. […] food, music and general party atmosphere, I was unaware until today that it was that day that my mum learnt of my dad’s commitment issues.* But I […]

  11. […] quickly followed by early memories of leaving behind everything I knew at the time. According to my mum, however, I was no better before then. My refusal to listen to any parts in Pingu story books in […]

  12. […] it’s not just hearing. Some, like me, are easily startled by touch; Mum says she has never worried about me getting touched inappropriately because I’d break the […]

  13. […] memories of honing my writing date back to the days when I would regularly communicate with my mother by writing letters and posting them under her […]

  14. […] fiddling with the parts but not zooming around the room with my peers. Or maybe later on, when Mum signed me up for ballet classes to improve my physical skills, only to spend weeks teaching me how […]

  15. […] I was little and my sister was just a toddler, our mum was unexpectedly rushed to hospital, leaving us in the capable hands of our Grandad. Being the […]

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